7 posts tagged “no smoking”

I just thought I'd mention that it has been over 2 1/2 months since we quit smoking and I am still very proud to say we have not started back up and don't want it. Oh on occasion it still feels like something is missing but in general I know I don't think about it every waking moment. I'm glad it hasn't been as hard as I anticipated.

About the weight and fitness level. I keep wanting to do the right thing with regard to physical activity. I hurt sometimes in my shoulder so I usually back off when that isn't good but in general I'm still trying to continue with my Nordic poles etc. I have upped the amount of food I eat, not so much watch every bite, but staying aware none the less. I don't think I could just stop considering how many calories I eat. I think about that far too much. I still fluctuate between 175 and 180 for weight. I can't seem to drop anymore but I also have not been as diligent with weight loss the last little while. I did sort of hope that all the extra work I've had to do with snow shoveling would help but no such luck.

So that's the scoop, such as it is. I did the real/age thing on Doctor Oz and Rozien's site. That puts me at somewhere around 40 instead of my actual age with my lifestyle etc. I guess that's not too bad, is it? At some point one has to ask the questions they need answers to with regard to what they expect for themselves and how they expect their lives to be in say 30 years or so. We should always be moderate with behavior. Indulgence is only fun if you are usually not indulging yourself. It's much nicer when it's truly an indulgence.

Today is week 7 of no smoking. I guess it feels pretty much the same as when we first stopped, albeit I am not thinking about it as much as earlier on. Having said that, I would also say that PMS causes tension, and as I started my period last night I have really thought the last week more about smoking and wishing for it but I think the tension has contributed.

I am staying off the scale because other than early on I am not happy with the way the scale is NOT moving. I can not seem to make the scale move no matter what I do so I made a pact with myself to stay off the scale. I will not go on more than weekly. I will also try to make sure that wit is at the same time roughly as the prior time. I know my weight is less in the morning, around 11, and it can range throughout the day as much as 4 pounds. Also, I splurged Sat. night after shopping. We had eaten lunch out, I ordered a salad with pecans from Boston Pizza. Pretty good really but when we got home I ate the rest of it for dinner and then had some port with friends who came over. I have no idea how many calories are in port but I probably had  almost 2 glasses so close to 500 ml all on my own!

I found out we don't have one of the dipping tanks for body fat here. We are far too remote and unimportant. :-(
I really liked the idea of getting my fat checked. I have recently run into people I haven't seen for awhile and the consensus is that I shouldn't lose much more weight if any because most everyone thinks I have lost enough. Why then does the bloody scale say I have NOT?

The weekend came and went. Nothing major happened here. I went shopping for new winter coats. All of us needed one. I got two and then discovered that I can wear David's old ones. Essentially I got 4 new coats, 5 if you count his old camouflage one, HAHAHA!

Mathew is gone. He left this morning. I am glad he was able to get home to see Mumpie. I just hope she doesn't take a turn for the worse and go before Michelle comes at Christmas. That would be very sucky. She seems pretty perky now. I guess the radiation finally helped. While it won't prolong her death it can ease her symptoms. Apparently it has done that.

More later.

We are doing so well and I am very proud of myself and of Ron. It has been so hard at times. Last week I really wanted to smoke. I almost let Ron buy some on our way to the airport. When I got to Michelle's and hers were on the table I wanted one SUPER bad. I talked myself and Ron out of having one. I only hope we continue to talk about it and not spontaneously get them without first talking to the other. I think it's why we are so successful to this point. Communication has been key.

My trip to the US was hard. It was the first time I have ever left Ron on purpose. It was the first time I ever left David with Ron alone and the first time I was not there for David's treatments. I didn't like it but it proved they can get by without me so in some ways that was success.

Now life is back on track and here we go again. Hopefully I can get back into my routine and not gain anything. I was so excited that I finally fit into a size 12! That has never happened in all my adulthood. What an amazing ego boost and incentive boost as well. I needed incentive. Some days it seems it's all for nothing. Other days it doesn't feel too bad.

It has been 3 weeks since we stopped smoking and while there have been times when I automatically searched for a cig or asked about them I have not fallen off nor have I considered starting again. I do NOT want to smoke. Truth is I hated smoking, needing to smoke. I always felt like a convict, ostracized and alone. I felt like I was judged because of smoking and the truth is I probably was. I hope I don't make that mistake. I know how difficult it is to stop, to feel as though it's an insurmountable mountain to climb. I didn't realise it could be done so readily. Oh I'm NOT saying it's easy, oh no, just the old saying, "we have nothing to fear but fear itself" really applies. That is the hardest part, fearing the unknown. Not knowing what you will face. If I had only known what it would be like, quitting, I would have done so many years ago. Of course maybe I ought not make it sound like it's nothing because for some it might be a whole lot more difficult, and, too, I might be delusional, having not reached a crisis period yet. Emotional crisis has occurred but maybe not the right one to cause me to really want to smoke? Questions....one day maybe there will be answers?

I'm still loving my poles. 2 weeks of nordic poling and I  am truly in love. It definitely makes me sweat more than a regular walk but that's not what I love. It's that I'm really working toward a healthy me.

More later. David is awake in need of breakfast before school.

It has been one week since we quit smoking. Some days it goes fine, I don't really think too much about it and don't really care too much about it. Then the moment arrives when I really want to smoke. I mean really!!!! (I realise this looks like a school girl wrote it but when you're tense who cares?)
Top it all off with the fact that Ron seems to be having a harder time quitting than I do. I don't know whether he just quit because I felt compelled to or if this really matters to him like it does me. Yeah, yeah. I should ask.  Of course there are times when I think, "No biggie, I can always run and get a smoke and then quit again." He says things that make me wonder if he is committed to this as I am. He never talks about how he feels about anything but on occasion he tells me it's really hard. The thing I really don't know is if he starts smoking again will I have the guts, strength, ability to stay a nonsmoker without him? I've got to work on this. I do NOT want to smoke!

We are still not smoking and boy is that good. Ok maybe 'good' is not the word I should use as it is still not so easy. I still have moments, I guess I always will, where I reach for a cig. or I think of them and want them. I have started changing focus as quickly as possible as soon as I realise I have the focus and want a smoke.  I also notice it is not always the way I think to do things. Explanation: When you smoke it becomes a part of who you are and how you do life. You drive around the block to finish a smoke or you wait to go somewhere until you finish a smoke or you sit somewhere counting the minutes until you can have a smoke, and finally, yesterday I didn't immediately think "I need to rush off so I can have a smoke." That was the first time in.... FOREVER!
SO I realise now it's a series of lessons to learn to do life without something I have always done it with. It's like waking up to an empty house and having your spouse gone. Only for me worse because I have had my cigs a lot longer than any spouse! I have smoked, lets just say 30 years, though it hasn't been quite that long, never really tried to quit despite having given birth to 2 babies. How do you wake up one day and not breathe? That's what waking up without a smoke is sorta like. I realise most people would say breathing will come easier now I don't smoke but I'm not there yet. I hope I am soon because I'd really like my walks to count for something!

We did it. We quit yesterday morning around 8. The worst has been feeling tense. I feel like my insides want to be on the outside but other than that the physical stuff doesn't seem as bad as the mental stuff.

Mental. That's an interesting term. I feel mental. I can't figure out what to do with myself. I keep having to tell myself others manage their whole lives without using a cigarette as a crutch. Surely to God I can find a way to do life too. It doesn't hurt that I really want to be a non-smoker.

So I keep telling myself how I hate the way smoking smells, I don't like the way my stuff smells, but it's a fine line between not liking something and not liking myself for having been a smoker.

I keep looking for something to occupy my hands something to do. I know the first few days are the physical things. I also know they can last longer than the actual nicotine does. After that it is strictly mental and I am just trying to be logical about it.

I think I'm not coherent. I will come back and write more when I have some more time.