Today has been an inspirational day.
I first woke up, and went about my usual Sunday morning routine, coffee, and a shower, and prepared to go to Church with my Girlfriend, and our friends from the Youth Group.
I then walked my Girlfriend to where she works, where I dropped her off thinking that she would work for most of the rest of the day, and that we wouldn't have a lot of time together. At this point, I was informed by my mom that we had a visiting dog, and that we needed to take it to the Humane Society because we couldn't find its owner. I met this little dog and was astonished at how friendly, and well-mannered a dog it was. It was by far the happiest little mutt that I have ever met. I had the child-like hope that we would "get to keep the doggy please please please" although realistically I knew that we couldn't. However, it did rekindle my love for animals, particularly cats and dogs, and remind me that some day I hope to be able to own an entire zoo's worth of dogs and cats and take care of them all, and give them love and a home.
After having dropped the dog off at the Humane Society, I was informed by my girlfriend that she was actually given the rest of the day off. Alas some happy news! We picked her up from her place of work - Onion World, in Walla Walla - and we came home. Here we watched a cute movie, The Proposal, and enjoyed each others' company, thereafter walking to a local candy store called Brights and sharing a strawberry milkshake together. This was among one of my favorite dates, because while it was nothing too special, we spent so much time just talking, and enjoying each other, it was what I call perfection.
So after that we walked home, and with some brief conversation, I was told that I should read my mom and her fiance Ken's blog at www.stardustglobalventures.com
I read Ken's most recent post, and was very touched. I was touched to be called a hero. It's one thing for my mom, or somebody who I have known my entire life to call me a hero. While it matters to me, and I do appreciate ego-building comments, it's not necessarily as powerful as when it comes from somebody who hasn't been in your life since childhood. Ken's post stardust was thoughtful, and in a way humbling. I didn't realize that he thought of me like that. I appreciate his presence, probably more than anyone can guess, with as sarcastic as he and I are with each other. But I did not know that the appreciation was mutual.
I am touched that he has expressed such a feeling of me, and that he describes me in such a good light. Some days the banter between he and I is hard to distinguish between serious and joking. But that post told me that the banter is always joking. No matter what he and I say out loud, we seem to have come to a mutual appreciation, and maybe, even on some level, a loving friendship.
Ken came into my life at a point in time that I was very angry. I'm still angry some days. And I always knew that he'd never be the same father figure to me that Ron my step-dad was, but I always said we could be "friends." Never did I truly believe that until now though. I said it to keep my mom happy. I said it to keep the peace. But it's clear to me that what I said in a shallow connotation, has become true. Ken is a friend. A true friend.
And as I've always stated, Ken and I will likely never have a father-son type of relationship. But what we have now, is a friendship, full of love, inspiration, and idolization - if that's a word. And yes I did say a friendship full of love. Because while we may both be unwilling to on some level say the words "I love you" to each other - at least I am, because there's a barrier there for me still on some level because of circumstances - we do, I believe, love each other.
So this post goes to the day, the experiences, the love, and the inspiration.
To Emily, and to the animals of the world, both stray and domestic that need love and affection, and to Ken.
I feel like I should write this, because I believe that the world needs more articles like this. More stories like this. More events like this.
As I was walking with my beautiful, beloved girlfriend, along Main street, after having gotten a smoothie with her for our usual date, we crossed the street to the other side, and as we crossed, passed an elderly couple who were also apparently out on a date for coffee. They had their coffees in hand, and walked to the opposite side of the street. My girlfriend and I then proceeded to walk down the street, to a nearby bench and sit on it. What I didn't realize at first was that the elderly couple did the same thing, across the street.
Emily and I sat together on the bench on Main street, simply enjoying each others' company, occasionally exchanging our usual loving words, among other small talk – I find that when in love, you apparently always have something new to share in conversation – when I glanced across the street and noticed the elderly couple apparently doing the same thing that we were. I was shocked, and awed, by the sheer beauty of their love from across the street.
As I observed the elderly couple I saw that they were holding hands while sipping their coffee and presumably conversing with each other about the events going on in their own lives as Emily and I were ourselves. I watched, and I realized that while there are probably older people, who have been together longer than they have, that they are still a great example of love's endurance. One would presume that they have gone through many years of ups and downs together, but they have gotten through it. Hardship, and easy times, all the same, they have gotten through it, with each others' love to guide them through the different trials of life.
And as I see this, and all of these thoughts are going through my mind, I realize that I was meant to see this, that it shows hope for the future. Hope that love can and will endure many things, the good and the bad. Hope that one day it could be us on that side of the street. Maybe that is just the simple hope of a dreamer, but what would the world be today without dreamers?
Without dreamers the world would be bleak, nobody would have accomplished anything, and there would be no happiness to be found in the darkness at all. But as it stands today, even in the dark times that the world seems to be going through, a young couple on a date walking down the street can still witness an elder couple doing the same thing, sharing similar experiences, but with many more experiences in their past. Proof that love can endure. Proof that there is something to dream of, and hope for.
So, as I started out this, I wasn't quite sure how it would go, but I had some idea of what I wanted to say. I've said it, and as I said, I think the world needs more of this.
-David Worley
September 17th 2009.
So, I haven't written anything on here, but as I think the people who do read my blog, will know enough back-story to this post, I am not going to bother writing and filling you in on what has been going on in my life...
Today was a trying day for me. As in love with Emily as I am, that doesn't mean I'm perfect, or the perfect boyfriend, nor does it mean that she's perfect or the perfect girlfriend, though I do like to think that she is - naive as that may seem. Anyway, so today was the second day of the 3 day weekend, and also the second day in a row that we haven't seen each other... Trying enough, as clingy as either of us are with each other.
The problem is, partly because of what I've been exposed to, and partly because it's probably in my blood, and partly because I just suck, I am a jealous person. I am also the type to mis-interpret connotations, PARTICULARLY when I am already under stress or pressure. Well, 2 days away from Emily - for me - is a TREMENDOUS stress, and pressure.
So, today, her first full day at "Convo" the youth conference in Seattle/Tacoma area, was hard for me. Why? As I said, I'm the jealous type. She meets a new guy, she's friends with, and while, I am not entirely stupid enough to think that she's going to cheat on me, it IS in the back of my head. Actually closer to somewhere in the middle of my head. I'm certainly afraid that she'll meet someone better than me, or someone who can SWAY her into leaving me, and going to them. Because I see Emily as - unfortunately - someone who while she's stubborn, she can be easily pushed sometimes. Certainly by her peers. I think that if any of her peers ever told her they didn't approve of me - especially if they were close to her - that she would leave me. And by peers I don't mean her online buddies, or long distance buddies I mean the ones right here who she can't as easily ignore.
But anyway. So she met some guy named Brett, who is "bi" supposedly. Her phrase was "I made a new friend today" and well, that set me off. I went into Mr. Ass-who-thinks-his-girlfriend-found-somebody-better-and-is-now-second-in-line-and-worthless mode almost immediately. Which, STARTED leading to a fight. Yes, sadly Emily and I DO fight sometimes, though usually it's because I'm an ass, when I don't need to be, and she doesn't say much so I get frustrated. :(
To the point. There is a dance at this convo thing, and Emily was going to it. Because from what I understand attendance/participation is required in all events. Well! When Emily went, our friend Mallory took her phone. I got pissed off and said something kind of mean to her. Apologized to her for that rather quickly. Well, kind of quickly. Anyway, in the meantime, John, Mallory's boyfriend texted me and, well, I'll just type the conversation here because I saved the dialogue of texts.
John: Hey dnt cuss at mallory thats fuckd up dude. But anyways ive been with emily like all day and that guy brett is a faggit. Mallorys been makin me pissed l8ly... But dnt tell anyone bout our conversation k?
David: Sorry i didnt mean to cuss at her. And why is he a faggit? Wat do you mean?
Kay dude I wont. Why has she been pissin you off?
John: He acts so gay its funny.. But he was hittin on mallory.. Its just that mallory leads guys on and they think they can get a lil comfy even wen im around..
David: Ah dude im sory. Kick his ass for me okay? And IS he gay?
John: Lol mallory likes him cuz he acts like it. he askd wat wuld happen if him and mall hookd up.. I wantd to fukin punch his face in, but ill probly wulda kill him.
I think hes bi tho.
David:Dude kick his ass. I dont want him talkin to emily either. Tell him you kickin his ass for her bf. Cause if i were there id fuck him up.
John: He doesnt bothr her.. They only talkd like a couple times, i really dnt think hes interestd in her.. Unlike he is with mallory.
David: Dont care. Kick his ass. Please? Just knock him te fuck out. I'd do it for you. :P
John: I cant hurt her feelings... Rite now.. shes pissed at me cuz i went to txt u, instead of dancin with her. No1 knows im txtin u. Keep it like that k? I shuld go
David: Alright man but do me a favor keep an eye on brett. If he is around emily go over. If He dances with her tell me, and knock him out. I'm BEGGING you man.
John: Lol im watchin all these fukers. She wnt even talk to me now.. But ya dude dnt wry. Just act like ur ovr it wen u txt her l8r, thats wat they xpect 4 u to do.
David: Why? who's they? Are they talking about me?
John: Im gonna c if i can make it up... So ill ttyl dude.
David: good luck see ya later. Tell my gf I love her.
John: Im watching everyone here thats wat i mean. Lol dnt fret and im not gonna let any1 know we talkd. So around 11 u can txt her that k. Peace.
That would be fine... Except the "But ya dude dnt worry just act like ur over it wen u txt her.." and the "dont fret" part.
I HONESTLY think Mallory might have had control of John's phone, and be trying to manipulate me, into doing what she wants... and what she thinks Emily and I should do together. And herein lies the reason that for relational issues, I go to my FAMILY, and my ONLINE friends, for advice, rather than to my peers, because my peers often try to manipulate me. I will ask opinions, occasionally, but I rarely let them get involved.
Anyway, I want to know about the "that's what they expect for you to do" and to know about the dance.
Now, since I've started this post, the dance has ended, but they are busy with some other activity. Mallory texted me telling me that she accepted the apology, but that I need to fucking lose some control, and loosen up, or something along those lines.
And I have yet to question Emily or anyone about the texts. :(
So as I said trying times. Drama. FUCKING DRAMA. I hate being a teenager. I hate being a jealous person. I hate over-reacting. I hate a LOT of my own personality. If I were someone else, and I knew me, for me, I'd knock myself out more than once.
I hate being away from my girlfriend. When I'm with her, I can hold her, and everything is right with the world. When I'm away from her, my life goes back to the chaos that i has been for quite some time now. But I'm not sure if that's healthy. I want it to be. I mean, I am glad that being with my girlfriend keeps me peaceful, and calm. But I wish that it were an affect she had on me, more than just face to face. But even when geographical distance comes between us.
Anyway, there will probably be a QIK video to go along with this soon-ish, and I will edit my post to include a link to it. Until then, my qik profile is www.qik.com/davidworley so have a look - IF you care. :)
The end.
-David
Edit: The video:
And loving every moment of life with my wonderful baby.
An interesting set of conversations following the Prop 8 issues in California heightened my awareness of something very real to me :
This beautiful lady is my wife.
The state of Washington might not say so because we don't have a piece of paper that says so. But we say so. We've made our vows and commitment to our life together that in our eyes and God's eyes are a marriage that's real and true.
And while our ceremonial wedding is currently planned for June 27th, we are, for all intents and puposes, husband and wife, woven inextricably into the fabric of each others' heart and soul for all time.
I love you Sheryl.
When you find the one person you love above everything on earth, your life changes for the better. Stars shine brighter. Birds sing. The sun is warmer.
Trust and truth grow. Forever becomes a reality. A lifetime isn't enough. Not nearly enough. Every moment becomes a precious memory to be savored. And love becomes the most important thing to nurture and protect every day.
Sheryl and I so often send one another songs and lyrics because we can't always find the words to express what we want to say. Last week we spent several days in Raleigh together. It was a business trip, although we did get to meet with friends on Saturday for lunch before we flew home.
For me, it was also a very important trip in personal ways. We experience epiphanies at different levels throughout our lives. Sometimes they're simply a light coming on. Sometimes they are powerful realizations that shape our destiny. On Wednesday evening, Sheryl and I shared some quiet time alone together in our room after a day of powerful realization for me. I've known for a long time that I love Sheryl beyond anything I will ever find the words for. I've known I need her too. But we are so tightly woven together, that we really are as one.
This morning, Sheryl sent me these lyrics.
If We Hold On Together
Don't lose your way
With each passing day
You've come so far
Don't throw it away
Live believing
Dreams are for weaving
Wonders are waiting to start
Live your story
Faith, hope & glory
Hold to the truth in your heart
If we hold on together
I know our dreams will never die
Dreams see us through to forever
Where clouds roll by
For you and I
Souls in the wind
Must learn how to bend
Seek out a star
Hold on to the end
Valley, mountain
There is a fountain
Washes our tears all away
Words are swaying
Someone is praying
Please let us come home to stay
If we hold on together
I know our dreams will never die
Dreams see us through to forever
Where clouds roll by
For you and I
When we are out there in the dark
We'll dream about the sun
In the dark we'll feel the light
Warm our hearts, everyone
If we hold on together
I know our dreams will never die
Dreams see us through to forever
As high as souls can fly
The clouds roll by
For you and I
My darling Sheryl, I will forever hold on and keep my way. My way is forever with you. Loving you has given me so much joy and happiness. We've had moments of struggle, and we'll have them as long as we live. But forever my love, I am yours in every way. I belong to you eternally. You are my star and we will forever dream our dreams together as we build our life. Our dreams will never die, and my love for you is everlasting. It really does grow bigger and stronger each passing day.
Where amI?
I can't see!
Somebody help me!
I'm fading.
The lights,
They're dimming.
The darkness,
it's coming.
Unsure,
Uncertain,
Afraid.
The darkness,
it's here.
I've lost,
It's over.
I'm conscious,
Yet unconscious.
I'm thinking,
But I'm nothing.
I'm absorbed,
Into the darkness.
Floating with,
Countless other Nothings.
By A. David Worley Sept. 6th 2008
By the way, if you hadn't already guessed from the title, the poem's about conformity.
So of course, it's summer, and holidays have begun.
I'm receiving my dose of pamidronate for these 3 days, as I should be. Bit of a hitch yesterday with it, as I was turned away, but today all is well.
Anyway, I'll be going to stay with my mom and Ken, and also at some point, with my dad and Jeanne. I'm leaving, on Saturday, immediately after my pamidronate treatment has concluded, given all goes well.
Anyway, I got some pictures today, so I'll upload them.
Just figured I'd throw a brief post together.
Anyhow, also like to comment that the nurse, Sheena, is very good at what she does, and makes this a lot easier.
Anyway, that's it. Seeya!
